Who is that girl in the yellow shirt?? I tend to have that question cross my mind every time I look at photos of myself prior to stumbling upon Beachbody. Well here is what I know of that girl today. Growing up I loved taking dance lessons, horse back riding, and even played softball. Clearly I was pretty active as a kid, then I became pregnant at the age of 14 and had my first son. I went from 98 lb.s soaking wet to 168 lbs. by the time I gave birth. At this point I grew to have insecurities about my body, and nine months later I was pregnant again with my second son with my weight ballooning to 188 lbs. My insecurities grew so much about my weight that I began working out like crazy and even though the weight came off, my boys father grew more abusive not just physically, but mentally as well. Being told you are so fat that no one else would ever want you at the age of 16 can be traumatizing to any girl, but add severe physical abuse on top of that and any girl would have crumbled.
By the age of seventeen I was living in an apartment with my babies and my abuser, but only a month after moving in I learned how strong of a person I am. He abused my children while I was at school and threatened my life and theirs if I told. I didn’t cower this time. I waited for the right moment and had him arrested for domestic battery and child abuse. I filed a restraining order and had him removed from our lives. Now you are probably thinking that it was that simple, but I promise you it wasn’t. I was harassed, threatened, stalked, and he attempted to run me over on multiple occasions while I had my children with me. But I kept fighting back by using the system.
So here I was a single 17 year old mother of 2 babies and domestic violence survivor living on her own. Looking back at that girl, I am in awe of her. she had strength and resilience and I don’t know where that disappeared to. I don’t know how I lost my strength, my voice, my confidence. Somehow in the past 10 years I lost those vital parts of me and disappeared into an abyss inside myself. I literally hated looking at myself in a mirror, and just existed in a shell of who I once was.
Last December I was doing what I thought I was good at, watching t.v., when an infomercial for Insanity Max 30 came on. I sat there in a euphoric state as I listened to Shaun T pushing with such love and desire for you to succeed at his program and I wanted in! So I ordered my first Beachbody program and was determined to find myself under the 170 lbs. of walls I built around me, and honestly I am doing just that. I lost 10 lbs. my first round of Insanity Max 30, then I decided to add serious nutrition to my daily life and I ordered my first bag of Shakeology. Next I got the 21 Day Fix program,completed the first round losing another 11 lbs. and then I went to Cize and lost 9 lbs. I am gaining confidence (I actually modeled for a friend of mine who is a photographer which is totally not my norm), growing through personal development, and becoming a Coach has helped keep me accountable so I can help others on this amazing journey of rediscovering ones self. I am still a work in progress, but I am just going with the flow of this amazing journey, meeting beautifully inspiring people, and learning one day at a time to love myself more and know my self worth is a lot more than what I gave myself credit for before.
” Don’t Live The Same Year 75 Times and Call It A Life.” -Author Unknown
Angels Of Fitness 